Day 22: Chocolate Truffle Cake

Day 22: Yay for Birthday Cake!

So today Tracy took me to pick out my birthday cake from Delicious Bakery here in Greensboro. It's a lovely local bakery and cafe with a number of cakes ready for decorating. Luckily for me, they had a small chocolate truffle cake on hand. The woman behind the counter asked if I wanted to have anything written on the top of the cake, and out of the blue I said "YAY." don't know quite where that came from, but it was the most perfect cake I've ever seen! So YAY! For birthdays and chocolate truffle cakes, and family and friends, and life in general!

Day 21: More Music, More Friendship, and Hugs

Day 21: Music, Friendship, & Hugs, oh my.

Christmas Eve, for the most part, was spent at home enjoying solitude, Christmas music, and baking cookies. We did, however, have to venture out into the world to get milk for our Christmas morning coffee. There was simply no way around it. We need coffee in the morning, and we were out of milk.

We set out for our corner Harris Teeter (a mile away), which of course was packed - seeing as it was Christmas Eve and everyone was getting their last minute items before the store closed for the Holiday. As we were checking out, a very familiar woman walked up to me and asked me how I was doing. For the LIFE of me I couldn't place her, but rather than ask 'how do I know you?' I just casually and cooly played along, answering her question - letting her know my status. At the end of our conversation we hugged, as if old friends.  It wasn't until I got out to the car that I realized she was the pathologist who did my biopsy & the person who had to tell me I had breast cancer!  I'd not seen her since that visit back in June (when I had hair). So I was terribly impressed that she recognized and remembered me.

That same visit to the grocery store, we also ran into our friend Mark who is the musical director at our church - more hugs ensued.

Of course, a few hours later we ventured out to the Christmas Eve service at our Unitarian Universalist Church (where we saw Mark again).  We got to sing (a lot) and got many hugs from friends (& even got some hugs from people I've never met, but who know me through my Carepages/blog).  I just love that connectedness that is always there even with people we don't know, or don't know very well.

We came home from that service feeling both rejuvenated and tired. We popped in It's a Wonderful Life, made some decaf coffee, wrapped some presents, and settled in for the rest of the evening.

Day 20: Reconnecting

Day 20: Reconnecting with Family and Friends

Magic #1, Family: While we were in Asheville, we stayed with my cousin Cheryl and her family. Now, the last time I saw Cheryl was several years back at her sister's wedding, and prior to that, I was probably 17 or 18 (so... 20+ years).  The funny & wonderful thing about my family is that when we're in the same room, it's as if we've never been apart - even if it's been decades since we last saw one another. It is really a wonderful feeling to be so surrounded by love and kinship. It is, I hope, what I bring to every single one of my relationships because it just feels, for lack of a better word, beautiful.

Both Tracy and I got the chance to reconnect with Cheryl and her family, over food (of course, because enjoying good food is in our genes); over music as Tracy and Cheryl's husband Monty played guitar and mandolin & we all sang along; and over conversation, in which even the youngest of us (Cade, soon to be 12) easily kept up with and sometimes drove the conversation.

THEN we got to reconnect with my Dad's older brother Walter, who has always been pure joy to talk with. Walter is THE storyteller in a family of storytellers, and I never get tired of listening to and learning from him.  My grandfather died when I was too young to know him, so I get a lot of his history through the stories that Walter tells (and, of course, I get the scoop on my Dad as well).

Magic #2, Friends: On the morning before we had to leave Asheville, we had tea with our friend Patti Digh - a wonderful treat, considering a). she is such a busy person and author (always working on something), b). it was so close to the Holidays, and c). her daughter was home from college.  We met at the Dobra Tea House and had the most wonderful tea and conversation filled with laughter.  She gave me a beautiful candle (which I ceremoniously light every day), and photographs she took of Beaver Lake (dubbed 'Low Blood Pressure Lake'), so that I may meditate on them throughout my recovery.  The photographs now hang on a ribbon that I can keep in the hospital room during my stay, then bring home to hang next to my bed.

Magic #3, Connections: Among the conversations we had with Patti, we'd mentioned my cousin Cheryl; and likewise we'd mentioned Patti to Cheryl.  The evening after we left, Cheryl and family went out to get ice cream. As chance would have it, Patti decided to do the same.  When Tracy and I got back to Greensboro, we both received text messages: Mine was from Cheryl, exclaiming that she'd just met Patti Digh! and Tracy's was from Patti, exclaiming she'd just met Cousin Cheryl! -- to which, I can only say, it's a crazy, wonderful world and I am honored to be a part of it.

Day 19: Get Outa' Town

Day 19: Take a Trip / Make a Change of Scenery

With all of the Holiday hubbub and my impending surgery, we decided to get the heck outa' Dodge for a couple of days and drove to Asheville to visit with friends and family - of course there was MUCH magic to be had with our visit, so I will be dividing the trip into multiple, magical posts.

Magic #1: On Tuesday last, Tracy and I loaded up the car and the CD player and drove to the mountains, often singing (not quite) at the top of our lungs.

Magic #2: While in Asheville, we visited Malaprops Bookstore (twice). The first visit we lingered in the small shop, perusing over and buying a plethora of books - one of which I had wrapped by the loveliest of women with whom I struck up a genial conversation.  BECAUSE we had bought so many books (support your independent bookstores!), we got a coupon for a free cup of coffee.

We decided, the next morning, to head back to Malaprops to cash in our free coffee. As we were sitting in the little café, who should come up and say hi to us by name, and chat for a bit, but Virginia - the woman who wrapped my book (and a slew of other people's books) the previous day. I am always so impressed when people, whom you've only met once, remember you.

Magic #3: While we were galavanting around downtown Asheville, we visited the Grove Arcade - a lovely old office building with first floor shops selling local fare.  (The Grove Arcade just happens to be where my Grandfather had his doctor's office once upon a time.) While there, we visited a lovely yarn shop and couldn't leave without buying a beautiful, orange felted hat for me (which proved to be quite useful when it later rained).

Magic #4: We also visited the historic Grove Park Inn to view the National Gingerbread House Contest, which was insanely amazing, as was the architecture et. al for the Inn. It was decided that upon my 5-year mark of being cancer free, we'd go back and make use of their fabulous spa facilities. (so, calendars marked for 2017 spa weekend!)

Magic #5: Reconnecting with Friends and Family - telling stories, playing music, eating great food, and realizing just how connected we all are (details in a separate post).

Magic #6: As we were preparing to head back home, at the advice of a friend, we made one last stop at Beaver Lake just north of where we were staying. It was a drizzly, grey day, but the lake was calm and beautiful, and ducks greeted us as we walked by. It was a nice, Zen way to end our visit.

Day 18: Prayer Tree

No excuses really, just caught up in the whole Holiday season, and then there's the cancer thing.... We've been doing pretty well since I last posted but got a little lax with the making of magic, so things will be a little out of order here:

DAY 18: Make a Wish/Prayer Tree

In the vein of the Japanese (Shinto) prayer trees, we thought we'd make our own tree (out of fallen branches and an old vase). For some reason, the people who designed our apartment decided that in one corner of the living room they'd put a small sink with nondescript mirrors above it, and call it a 'wet bar.' It isn't at all practical - there's no room for alcohol or glassware & the sink is TINY. We've never been able to figure out a way to either use it or mask it - until now.  NOW, the tiny sink holds the vase that contains our 'tree,' and instead of avoiding that corner, we visit it daily.

Right, so the Wish Tree basically holds wishes or prayers that we've written out on small pieces of paper, then tied onto its branches.  Sometimes it's just names of people who might be having a hard time and need to be 'held in the light' (as the Quakers would say), sometimes it's little poetic thoughts or gratitudes, and sometimes it's a specific wish (like 'please rid Emily M. of cancer and keep her healthy for the rest of her long life.')

We found that this is a wonderful way to create ritual and make physical all those wishes and prayers we hold in our heads/hearts - it gives strength to those thoughts, and provides reminders (to us at least), that these people play an important role in our existence.

Day 17: Festive Lights!

Day 17: Add some festive lighting to any room.

Doesn't matter what time of year it is, add some festive (or as we like to call 'em, "happy") lights to your decorations.  Sort of like we did back in college, or for those who were really hip, high school (I was not really hip).

I remember stringing old (non-led) christmas lights around the perimeter of my room, and on nights when I need warm fuzzies, I'd turn off the overhead and plug in the christmas lights. They gave a soft glow to the room & made the surroundings feel, well, for lack of a better word, special.  Then (as trite as it might be) I'd play some Miles Davis or John Coltraine, and it was magic.

We have several strings of light hung in our house now, but my favorite is the colorful lights hung around our French doors (up all year round):

Day 16: Be Someone's Cheerleader

Monday: Be Someone's Cheerleader (even if they don't know it).

Over the past couple of years we've noticed a number of people who get out and walk in our (high trafficked) neighborhood, but there's this one guy - a big, burly (young) guy who we would see every day, with his headphones on - walking at a really good clip, up the road and back (he probably walked 2 or 3 miles).  I mean, this guy was not in shape, but every day he'd push passed our windows & I would think to myself 'Good Job Man! You're Awesome!'  I was just totally impressed with him - the fact that he was out there every day, clearly exercising, trying to make his life (& health) better was awe inspiring. (we still see him every once in awhile, looking leaner, I'm guessing he's changed his route).

Now, I never shouted out the window, "Good Job!" 'cuz that might be offensive or freak him out, but whenever I see ANYONE doing something good (like exercising), I always become their cheerleader, especially if it looks hard.  I always tell them Good Job, whether or not they hear it.  (Of course, we're usually in the car driving by). I figure the Universe hears it & maybe takes that energy where it needs to go.

Yesterday, still tired from chemo and an MRI scan, Tracy and I went for a walk.  Now the thing you need to know about chemo-fatigue is that it takes EVERYthing out of you.  Seemingly simple tasks (like walking to the kitchen and back) can completely do you in. So yesterday, when I went for a walk, I was only able to go a little way before my legs got all wobbly and we had to turn around.  At that moment, Tracy turned to me and said, "You didn't see them, and you can't hear them, but a car full of people just drove by shouting 'Good Job!'" (I nearly cried).

Day 15: Enjoy the Sunset

Saturday: Enjoy the Sunset.

This weekend, my friend Glenn Blakeslee hosted a Day of Sunsets over on Facebook. The purpose was to gather and appreciate that day's sunset from all over the globe. (Same sun, same globe, millions of view points - how extraordinary!)

Capetown, South Africa

Kunsan AB, South Korea

Muscat, Oman

Mohave Desert

Day 14: Celebrate Something, Anything

Thursday: Have a Celebration

Today, I had something to celebrate. It was my final Chemo treatment, so we took ourselves out for a nice Linner (Lunch/Dinner).  But growing up, whenever my family needed to have a celebration (either to erase a bad day, or if we just needed something fun), we'd walk up to the corner grocery store and get a cake and some candles and declare it someone's UNbirthday. These usually popped up several times a year and were always a surprise. And they always ended in laughter, sighs (& sugar highs).

You can make it as elaborate, eclectic, or simple as you like. Pull out the china and have a Mad Hatter's tea party, with slanty, imperfect yet yummy homemade cakes; OR go to the bakery/grocery store and pick up one of their creations (if they have a cake wreck, all the better). Invite friends, make it a family ordeal, or just a party for one - whatever you need. And it doesn't have to be something big - it can just be a celebration of the fact that you made it through the day (Good Job!).

So, a very merry unbirthday... to you, yes you.

Day 13: Write a Letter

Wednesday: Make someone's  day, send a card or write a letter (& mail it).

One of the things I'm realizing as I'm going through this ordeal of cancer treatment is that it is REALLY nice when I go to the mailbox and pull out good mail (not just bills).

What I also realized was that I like to write letters. I have always had the intention of being a letter writer. So much so that I have drawers and drawers full of cute cards that I've picked up over the years, but somehow, even if I've managed to write a letter, more often than not it doesn't get sent (wrong mailing address, no stamps, gets hidden under a stack of other stuff, yadda' yadda' yadda') - we've all been there, right?

Well, this week, I opted to step away from the computer (especially Facebook), and write a couple of cards a day. I start out by addressing the envelopes and getting stamps on them; write even the briefest of notes (Thinking about you). Then make an intention to walk to the mailbox each day with letters in hand. (So far, so good).

We just don't spend the time these days to reach out like we used to.  Sites like Facebook make it easy to catch up, but the thought that goes into a hand written note is just so nice, and it has the ability to make someone's day.

Day 12: Listen to the Rain

Tuesday: Listening to the rain.

I think it was W.C. Fields who, while going through withdrawal for alcohol, could not fall asleep without the sound of rain on the roof.  Of course, living in L.A., a city where it never rains, made it difficult. It got to the point where someone would have to stand outside his house, with a hose aimed at the roof, to mimic the sounds of rain in order for him to fall asleep. (btw, how nice was that person to ease his pain by standing outside & spraying the roof with water? Seriously, humanity can be pretty great). These days, there's a whole industry built around mimicking soothing sounds (I've no doubt that there's an app for that).

Regardless, nothing compares to the actual sound of rain. The little plicks and plops, as drops hit tree leaves, structures, or ground, do something to the nervous system. Somehow I breathe easier and my stress levels abate.  So last night, as I was falling asleep, I was pleased to hear rain outside my window, and equally lovely was waking up to it.

Listen to the rain:

Day 11: Pay attention

Monday: Pay attention and the magic finds you.

I made it to the end of my day and was all prepared to call it a day sans magic.  It was a day full of frustration as one of our computers is trying its best to throw in the towel. Granted, it's a 10 year old refurbished lap top (mac), but still.... We spent a good 8 hours trying to breathe life back into it and may've been somewhat successful in extending its life span another month or two - but that led us down a dark financial path.  Where, I ask, will we find the moolah to buy another computer? 'cuz let's face it, we gots to have a computer.

This, of course, led to me sorting through medical bills (talk about your good times), and getting depressed. If I'd had a pint of ice cream in the freezer, I'd have crawled onto the couch in my pjs and eaten it.

In lieu of ice cream and the couch, I crawled into bed & a very subtle, yet miraculous thing happened.  The street we live on (which is quite busy), got REALLY quiet. So quiet that I could hear the crickets put on a symphony for a good 5 minutes. It was amazing. I realized that magic is happening all the time, you just have to be paying attention, and for most of the day, I'd forgotten to pay attention.

So thank you Universe, for both the reminder and the symphony. It was pretty great.

Day 10: Sing

Sunday: Singing Meditation (& some banana bread).

Because we played for most of the day yesterday & part of the day on Friday, we had to buckle down and do some work today. Which really meant, have a leisurely breakfast, watch some cooking shows on PBS, go out and run an errand that really didn't need to be run today, come home and eat some lunch, watch another cooking show on PBS, bake some banana bread (both with and without chocolate chips).... AND THEN do some work. But only for like an hour before making dinner and going out for the evening.  Yep, it's hard work buckling down, but you gotta' do what you gotta' do.

After dinner we went to the monthly singing meditation at the UU church. Nothing like an hour of melding voices, chants, and good company to make you feel warm and fuzzy. Except maybe coming home to warm banana bread....

Day 9: Do Something Different

Saturday. Do something different.

Yesterday, whilst running our errands, we saw a sign for an estate sale (like an actual estate sale, not someone running a yard sale & calling it an 'estate sale'). So we thought it might be fun to check it out.  (loads of other people thought so too). We thought we might avoid the crowds if we went in the afternoon (silly us).

When we got there, people were trying to outbid each other for a patio set on display in the driveway (very exciting to watch - almost like performance art). We made our way inside, where people were acting like line backers, blocking you in case you found the good stuff first.  One woman, kept side stepping to keep me from looking at the cookbooks along an entire wall in front of her (she used the same moves on Tracy, when Tracy was looking at stuff on a table).

Another (babushka type) woman, with her three young children used the, "I'm not budging, and there's no room to get around me, so you'll just have to wait until I decide to move" tactic.  I ran into her in the hallway, and again in several bedroom doorways, where she just decided to keep sentry until her husband showed up.

We didn't see babushka leave with anything, but side stepper left with a stack of cookbooks, a decorative sheaf of wheat, and a brownie camera (still in the box). So kids, the next time you're at an estate sale, it appears the side stepping move reaps rewards. (Just in case you needed a strategy).

Now, you have to understand that this kind of human behavior is extremely entertaining to us. Rather than be annoyed, we just watched things unfold - again, it's like performance art (and so much more fun than getting your ire up).

Oh, and we bought something! a box full of "vintage" bobbins and quills. Not that we do any weaving or spinning - they just looked so freakin' cool:

Oh, right, and as we were leaving, I was trying to take a picture of Tracy on my iPhone - which, for anyone with a camera phone (which, just might be everyone), you'll know that it's a wide angle lens - in order to get a good close up, you need to be, well, close up. So I'm standing maybe 2 feet from Tracy, holding up my phone in the universal "I'm taking a picture" pose - when some guy from the sale walks right between us.... TWICE! He got ten feet beyond us, turned back around, and followed the same path back.  Now, this wouldn't be unusual, but we were not the path of least resistance. We were tucked out of the way, so he would have had to've made an effort to loop toward us, then back out to his destination. I watched him cross our path both times, and he had NO IDEA!  Talk about the Theater of the Real! It was AWESOME.

Day 8: Buy a Stranger a Cuppa' Joe

Friday: make someone's day.

Today's magic was accidental.  Prior to running errands, we stopped for lattes & they made us an extra. So, we decided to give it to the next person we saw (who looked like they might be in need of a coffee).  Turns out to have been the woman behind the counter at the 5th Season (gardening supply) store, whose words were "That NEVER happens, thank you!"

So now I'm thinking, over this retail holiday season, why not surprise total strangers (working their pah'tooties off at some retail job) with a $3 cup of coffee? How cool would that be?

Day 7: Laugh

Thursday: writing & laughing.

Today we had an appointment with the oncologist. A man of few words, he poked and prodded, looked at my lab work, proclaimed that he thought my tumors were smaller, then sent us on our way. Not very magical.  In fact, we were hard pressed to think of / create magical things until this evening, when I tagged along to Tracy's Journaling Workshop (which she teaches once a month through Hirsch Wellness Network).

While I didn't wow myself with my attempts at writing, I had a tremendous amount of fun, once again, with the people who showed up and shared their stories (most of which were funny). So I spent my evening laughing out loud, something I LOVE doing, but don't do nearly enough.

Day 6: Let Your 7 Year Old Fashionista Out

Wednesday: Ice cream & striped socks.

I let my 7-year-old fashionista self have free range over the closet and this is what she chose for me to wear (yes, those are orange pants):

In addition, Tracy took me out for ice cream at the Brusters around the corner from us.  On the menu: bright orange, pumpkin ice cream!  I had to try it, even though my taste buds are all wonky (thanks to the chemo). Amazingly, it tasted JUST like pumpkin pie - my all time favorite (followed closely by sweet potato pie, you know, in case you ever wanted to make me a pie. just sayin').

Day 5: Go For a Walk

Tuesday: appreciating the fall colors.

We went for a walk today and got horribly, terribly excited by the fall foliage. It's just amazing what nature can do.

Day 4: Bake Bread

Monday: making home made bread.


Today I missed the smell of my Grandma's house - a mixture of percolated coffee and baked sweet bread (usually Vetebrod - a Swedish cardamom bread, that anyone else is hard pressed to get a piece of because I hardily devour its toasted goodness). Of course, that recipe still resides with my grandmother, so today I tried a Portuguese sweetbread recipe - which was super easy, thanks to my bread machine (bought at the thrift store for $8. go me.)

Portuguese Sweet Bread:


3 TBS Instant Potato Flakes
1/4 c. sweetened condensed milk
1/4 c. water
1/2 tsp. vanilla extract
1/4 tsp. lemon extract or grated rind of one lemon
2 eggs
3 c. bread flour
1 tsp. salt
4 TBS. butter
1/3 c. sugar
Pinch of ground nutmeg
3 tsp. active dry yeast
1 egg white, lightly beaten


Place all ingredients except egg white in bread pan, select Dough setting, and press start.


When dough has risen long enough, the machine will beep. Turn off bread machine, remove bread pan, and turn out dough onto a floured countertop or cutting board.


Grease an 8 or 9 inch pie tin. Gently roll and stretch the dough into a 30 inch rope of even thickness from one end to the other. Starting at one end and working to the other, gently twist the rope. Place one end of the twisted rope of dough in the center of the greased pie tin; carefully coil the rest of the rope around the center, filling the pan. Cover and let rise in a warm oven at least one hour until doubled. (Hint: To warm oven slightly, turn oven on warm setting for two minutes, then turn it off, and place covered dough in oven to rise. Remove pan from oven to preheat).


Preheat oven to 325ºF. Brush dough with egg white. Bake for 50-60 minutes until brown. Remove from oven, cool on rack in pan. When cool, remove from pan, thinly slice, and serve.

[From: Bread Machine Magic, Linda Rehberg & Lois Conway]

Day 3: Create

Sunday: attended a creativity workshop & watched an old movie.

All sorts of tired, but the second part of the bookmaking workshop started at 1pm & I wasn't about to miss that.  I set Tracy up at the studio and I found my way back to the workshop, where I almost crawled onto their nice comfy couch to take a nap (but, again, did not because I was having too much fun).

Sunday Night:

We went out and bought White Christmas just so we could sing along to "sisters." Spent the evening watching that and eating comfort food.

Day 2: Do Something For You

Saturday.

Tired started to set in, but there was a bookmaking workshop I wanted to attend. So I pulled at all of my reserves. I told myself that if I got too tired I could leave (which, of course, I did not because I was having too much fun).

Saturday night.

We watched the first wintry themed movie of the year: Serendipity (with John Cusack).

Day 1

Day one started very simply with sleeping in. It was typical, drizzly, chilly fall weather and the flannel sheets were just too all-over inviting, so we gave ourselves permission to lounge about. The cats (of which we have two) also found this to be absolutely fabulous and were soon pushing us out of the way with their deep, twisting (and abnormally powerful) stretches.  Somehow we ended up bent around the cats, in awkward positions, so's to maintain their comfort (amazing how they do that).  Eventually, we had to admit to our discomfort level and leave the bed - but it was nice while it lasted.

I should first say that Day one was a Friday & fell on a 'post-chemo' day.  I'm receiving treatments for breast cancer that was detected over the summer. My treatments began in August, and I am now nearing the end with just one more treatment left before moving on to the next (somewhat terrifying) step of surgery and radiation. With this much scary stuff on the horizon, we really felt the need to focus on happier, more magical things. It started out with us just trying to capture some of the early holiday spirit, since we really don't know what our holidays will look like, but it's really much more than that. It's finding and holding on to the joy that makes life so wonderful - whether at Christmas time or beyond.

Next, as silly and consumer-ly as it sounds, we treated ourselves to a fancy cup of coffee - then took ourselves window shopping at Ten Thousand Villages, where we smelled (and bought) some lovely soaps, played with musical instruments, petted the store dog (Lizzy) - who was so soft, you didn't want to stop petting her - and touched everything.

Usually, this would be enough to do me in, but we then decided it would be great to make our own Christmas cards this year. So we went out and bought paper and supplies, took everything home, laid it all out and basked in the creativity of it all. Too tired to do anything else, we made plans for the cards, then went off to our respective corners to work a bit.